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| For the past few weeks I've been taking a class on Mussar, which is a long process of changing your behavior by first observing and journaling with respect to a rotating set of characteristics. This week we are studying equanimity or, as I understand it, keeping internal balance with your emotions, both positive and negative. Last week we studied humility, which means knowing how much space to take up in a given situation (sometimes you need to step back, but sometimes you actually need to step up). (In year-round mussar practice, you come back to each characteristic many times, but this is just a four-week class.)
Last night, I was letting my emotions from an incident earlier in the day dictate that I should stay home instead of going to a party by myself where I wasn't sure I'd know anyone. That is a difficult thing for me to do, but Felix and a successful rebalance of my emotions convinced me to give it a shot (and of course I did know people there). However, that doesn't mean it was without its challenging moments, and there I put into practice my new philosophy of social conversation: WWAS - or, What Would Ari Say.
My friend Ari Daniel Shapiro is the most amazing conversationalist I have ever met. He is one of those people who you always want to invite to a party. He is incredibly smart but, even if he has no idea what you are talking about, finds a way to engage you to talk more about what interests you. So, at this party last night, I found myself thinking, "What would Ari say to this person, now that the conversation is lagging?" It was a way to step up into a role that I normally shy away from, and it was way less awkward. It is my new social conversation philosophy!
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| I was thinking the other day about the modern evolution of religion. This line of thought came from thinking about how in Indian culture it is common to pierce baby girls' ears, and how some people get all bent out of shape over it. I can see reasons for it: culturally, it's a way to distinguish a baby's gender, the way Americans dress girls in pink and boys in blue; wearing jewelry, especially earrings, is very much a part of Indian life, so why not pierce their ears when they're too little to remember it (which calls to my mind the Jewish practice of circumcision, which no one would want a boy to do when he's old enough to remember it). I'm not sure if it's a religious belief that Hindu babies' ears get pierced, but I could easily see the evolution from a cultural practice to a religious one, like the rice ceremony I first learned about from Jhumpa Lahiri. I wondered whether Americans, when deciding whether someone's claim that a certain action is taken for religious reasons, would be upset to learn that said religious reason is brand new. Or are the only acceptable religious reasons ones that have been around for hundreds or thousands of years, or at the very least since the early 1900s, when massive immigration greatly increased the diversity of this country? But isn't that the beauty of this country - religious freedom? And isn't one of the beauties of religion its self-reinvention for the purpose of staying meaningful and relevant to each generation? I wonder... just how tolerant are my fellow Americans?
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| When Felix, my roommate, is out of town, I try to keep busy so that I'm not spending endless hours in an empty apartment. I didn't even have to try this week - it was crazy on its own, even before I got fired on Thursday. I managed to stuff 15 months' worth of buildup from my work locker into a tote bag I happened to have on me that day and lugged it all over the city with me Thursday night. As might be expected, my house was a small disaster area most of the week. Plans magically got canceled last night, and I breathed a sigh of relief that I would be able to clean up a bit for Felix's impending return tonight (since I had planned to go hiking all day today).
I have done this before, and I know full well that once I sit down to watch a DVD, there is no turning it off until I am done, and when I am done it is bedtime. I do not get up midway through to clean the bathroom; there are no dishes done late at night; I'm lucky if the leftovers get put away. So, knowing all this cleaning was ahead of me, what did I do? I sat down, watched a movie and got nothing done. This morning, I sprang out of bed at 7:15 to get ready for the hike, clean the house, and put the final touches on my arts and crafts activity for book club, only to check my email and find out the hike had been canceled due to rain and cold. I breathed a sigh of relief... and promptly turned my back on cleaning, yet again.
It took some coaxing, and making more deals with myself (no playing until the work is done; blast the radio for motivation). Part of the payoff is getting to play all afternoon, which may well include a nap. I wonder what divine providence is indulging my procrastination so much; maybe the universe knows I had overbooked myself, therefore putting yesterday's Michigan football game on a network my friend doesn't get, not allowing me to find costume elements for the Halloween party last night, and sending rain and cold temperatures to New Hampshire... maybe...
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| I went to the funeral of a coworker's mother this morning. It made me think back two years to the last funeral I went to, when my last grandparent passed away. I knew the funeral would be near the library, but was not exactly sure where, so I went there first and found a group of coworkers just getting ready to leave, as I'd hoped. I was very glad to have their company (and even more glad G was there because when the other Catholics got up for communion, I had someone to stay with!), even more glad yesterday at the wake (I'm always terrified the dead person is going to wake up suddenly and dramatically which would literally scare me crazy). The service was very moving, especially the first part where the family was involved. Even though the rest was pretty generic, it was clear that this was the family's church and that the priest knew them well and spoke from the heart - a drastic departure from both my grandmothers' funerals, especially my paternal grandmother who was not religious at all. I'm not even sure where they found the minister, but he basically read the death notice and that was that. The funeral mass is fascinating, though. If you're Catholic and have been to many of them, the repetition must be familiar and soothing because it's always the same, and also because it's all about the deceased finding eternal life and finally getting to be with Jesus in Heaven. I also liked that we prayed for the family to make the most of their lives - that is what I would find most helpful. It is interesting, though, that we tend to make the deceased person into a saint, even if they weren't in real life. We focus on the good because that's all that really matters once they're gone. | | |
| ... lots going on. Mostly, lots of stress, lots of things changing, and being sick. Still trying to process and just get through it all in one piece. It'll be a bumpy ride for the next few weeks... possibly longer.
Far from the biggest thing, but something specific that I can reveal here: keep my dad in your thoughts. He fell last Sunday and tore his hamstring and was in the hospital for the past week, which I found out when I called to wish him a happy 60th birthday. He just got home today and is going to be out of commission for a while.
Here's to maybe a good night's sleep for me tonight? Hope springs eternal...
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